How to Stay True to Who You Are

You were born to the right parents, the right siblings, in the right place at exactly the right time. There is no one like you, and never will be again. You have an entire world inside you that you can share with others - a world and a perspective that can change peoples' lives. Whether you do this consciously or unconsciously, it is happening every time you have an interaction with someone.

It is up to you to become aware of what your gifts truly are. When you move from a place of certainty in who you are, there is nothing you can't do. The trick is to take a good look at your values & beliefs, to examine the actions you take every single day - and to see if anything is out of alignment.

We hear these things all the time - so why is it that we fall off the wagon, "forget", or just let go of practices that make us happy, balanced and fulfilled? 

I received these beautiful reminders at the Tony Robbins event I attended last week. As I've been to this particular event before the entire weekend was a reminder that I am the one in charge of my own life. I decide how successful I'm going to be in everything that I do.

I, for one, am getting really tired of the EGO mind that continues to tell me I can't do things. I know that I am absolutely capable of greatness - and there are so many people out there who have things to teach me.

Here is something that I say to myself before I teach: (feel free to steal it, or to create your own!)

I open myself today to become a channel for the energy of the Universe. Please allow this energy to come through me - Please allow me to be a messenger of the Universe, and to deliver to whomever I meet today exactly what the Universe has been trying to tell them. Please help me to put my own baggage aside so that these messages can come through me with clarity & love.

Coming Soon: Yoga Your Way - Click for MORE!

Namaste & Love, Nicole

On Teaching Yoga

Last night a friend requested that I write about a day in the life of a yoga teacher ... all the ups, and all the downs of being in this profession of mine. I am pleased and excited that B requested I write on this subject, as it is an excellent opportunity for me to reflect on this role of "Yoga Teacher". 

For so long, this was what I wanted: To teach yoga full time and to immerse myself in leading classes for others. I feel privileged and honoured to guide people into their practice, and to offer unique ways to change perspectives on the practice and on the personal journey of the self. 

It is inevitable that I, too, would receive an education as I was so busy with teaching that I suffered with stress and a feeling of "no time" for me. The busiest week I had was 13 classes in one week - and to me, this was an enormous jump from a year ago when I was teaching only 3 classes per week! 

I love teaching yoga, and what I noticed when I began to teach so many classes was that the inspiration didn't run out. I feel constantly inspired by many things - my own personal practice, the way students react to what I'm offering, and the intuitive guidance that I receive is finely tuned now. In fact, I feel more inspired the more I teach! 

But what I also noticed is that if I don't take the time to clear my energy field after teaching a class, I begin to feel very heavy and tired in my own energy and I feel the need to hole myself up at home when I'm not teaching. There have been times when I hoped that I wouldn't see anyone I knew, simply because I didn't want them to see me in this strange state. 

When my schedule went over the tipping point, I felt exhausted, and had very little energy to do the things I normally do to take care of myself, like running. I didn't have much in me for the kids or my husband either, and honestly I knew that something would have to change. It wasn't worth it to do so much of something that I love, if it wasn't causing me peace, love and joy.

When I teach yoga, I open myself up to receive messages from my Guides & Gurus (who's names I don't know, and faces I've never seen). But I also open myself up to receive messages and guidance from the students in the class as well. If I'm not careful, I find that sometimes I pick up physical ailments in my own body - almost like catching a cold. I have to be proactive in taking care of Me first so that I have a strong energetic system that can fight off the energetic clinging of others.

How do I take care of myself? I believe that everybody has a "formula" for personal success, and for me it starts with self-care:

1) Daily Meditation - I practice for 30 minutes every morning as soon as I wake up. Sometimes it's breathwork, sometimes it's simple breath-focused meditation, and sometimes gentle yoga

2) Running - I try to run every other day, except when I'm training - which leads to my next component ...

3) Goalsetting - I sit down and set goals once a month! A few past goals: *feed my family with yoga $  ... *50 km Runs ... * Working at a certain studio 

4) Time Alone in Nature - I need time to go inward, to practice ceremony, and to fill myself up again with the energy of the Earth

5) Eating whole, healthy foods. Drinking lots of water. 

I recently let go of quite a few of the classes I was teaching, and I suddenly have time to focus on my self-care routines again. It is making such a difference already. I have the time and energy to run regularly again, I am able to enjoy my kids and my man again, and I am finding the time to reflect and slow down. 

As I head off to another Tony Robbins event, I feel myself buzzing with potential .. and I am SO excited to begin sharing MORE love MORE joy MORE connection and MORE peace with you all!! I have many exciting plans coming up in 2017, and I believe that all of my dreams will come true! Stay tuned in to all that is happening with me ~ Perhaps there will be a way in which I can serve you in the future.

Merry meet, merry part and merry meet again my friends!

Love Nicole 

Cows, Abundance & Letting Go

The other day I was out running and happened upon a rather large group ... of rather large Cows. They ran across the trail, seemingly out of my way, but as I began to pass by them, they all turned toward me and started charging! It was freaky, and a bit hilarious at the same time ... I haven't run that fast in quite a while!

At first, I thought that I must have been doing something wrong in order for them to chase me like that, as I don't even eat meat! I am their friend, aren't I? I began to wonder what it could mean to have such an obvious sign placed in my path like that. These occurrences, especially when animals are bringing you a message, are never by accident. They always mean something.


I began to actually research the symbolism of the Cow. She does come to symbolize abundance, fertility and the Mother. When I remembered what the Cow means to Hindus, I realized that Abundance is actually chasing me down! What better omen than to have 20 cows charging at you? 


"In Hinduism, the cow is a symbol of wealth, strength, abundance, selfless giving and a full Earthly life." - Wikipedia


I knew I had hit on the truth of the message because of the feeling it brought me ... A sense of rising energy within me, a powerful surging of purpose and meaning. A feeling of connection and elation with a touch of bliss.


My purpose and my vision through the last few months has been to touch as many peoples' lives with love and joy as I can possibly reach. My intention has been to give more than I get. To offer the very best that I can to each person I meet. And while I'm teaching yoga - I always ask that the Universe work its' magic through me so that my students can receive the offerings/messages/guidance that the Universe is trying to convey to them. I always ask that I be a clear channel so that the energy can move through me freely, and out to the desired recipient.


The trick to this surrendering of spirit and body is that I also surrender the results to the Universe. It is the process of giving someone a gift, but they will never know it was you, and you will never know how it affected them.


I don't know for sure what kind of abundance will come my way, and I don't pretend to be able to predict the future for myself. All I know for sure is that this situation reminded me that I am connected to this Earth, I am a part of it, and I relate to all beings that thrive on it. I am not separate from those creatures, even if they scare me - even if they seem like something that could take my life. If they come to me to convey messages - how separate can they actually be from me? What kind of power draws together a group of 20 cows, and me?


I am not separate from you either, dear reader. Even if we haven't spoken in months, and even if we've never met.


What if you treated everyone you encountered today as if they were a part of you - as if they were you? How would you treat the people around you? Would you treat them any differently than you do now? Something to ponder ....


Have the most lovely day ~ Namaste, Nicole

Reconnecting

This past weekend, I had the most wonderful time ...


A very dear friend of mine suggested (back in November) that we attend the Northwest Yoga Conference near Seattle last weekend. We went running in the Chuckanut Trail System, donuts at LaFeen's, countless cups of coffee, and finally made our way to conference. The road tripping is always a ton of fun! Good tunes, great company, and the kind of conversation where no one else could fit a word in edgewise ;o)


I feel recharged, reconnected and completely renewed in so many ways! I learned so much, and am eager (probably too eager) to try out the many things that I learned. But more than the things I can teach to others, I found that place deep within me that resides as a continual student of the Universe. I felt a deep reconnection to the grandeur of my internal landscape, and felt relieved and blissful that it does indeed still reside in me.


I definitely experienced some awakenings ... there is a perpetual feeling of resistance that we all hold in different parts of our bodies. This is why I believe yoga is so darn good for a person. Practicing yoga helps us to access the sad, forgotten and disturbed parts of ourselves - and once we acknowledge those places, they become children who were only looking for someone to hear and see them. And in turn, we become children too, returning to that place of innocence that eternally resides in us. We return to a state of pure possibility. We return to faith. We return to Atman ~*the essence (within us) that is eternal, unchanging, and indistinguishable from the essence of the universe.


Rubbing shoulders with over 700 happy yogis does a lot for a lady. There were so many sweet people there, always with a kind word, a compliment, and a helpful nature. And I can't say enough about how well organized everything was.


The teachers presenting workshops were beautiful, experienced yogis who teach from the heart and you can feel their energy no matter where you are in the room of so many bodies. It takes a skilled and accomplished teacher to make 80 people feel "seen" during a 2 hour workshop. I am inspired. I am renewed. I am healed!



*from thefreedictionary.com

The Wait is Over!!!

After a long, Challenging winter of driving the Coquihalla up to 7 times a week (often twice in a day), of living in a tiny house where the kids share a bedroom, and the cat & the dog learned how to get along. After what seemed like a never-ending wait for a job offer my husband finally received. (In order to even apply for this job, my husband had to drive over the Connector to Kelowna for a job fair in the middle of winter - multiple times.)


There were so many times in this transition that I thought we had made a terrible mistake in leaving our comfort zone, our friends, family, and a huge circle of support. I wanted to quit and just move back "home" where I would know people walking down the street, where my smiles would be returned, where I would be loved and accepted.


But every damn day, my husband and I focused on the reasons we had for making this move, for stepping out of our comfort zones, for having a huge vision for our lives. We woke up on either side of the bed, and practiced gratitude together. We sent love out to everyone we know, and then to the world, the galaxy, and the Universe. AND we focused on goals. We both have lofty ones, and I honestly didn't know that I had such desires inside of me ... But these weren't "wishes" I was focusing on, these were goals. Goals require work. Personal work on the innerscape of my psyche and taking a good look at the imprints of beliefs that were overlaying everything I believe about myself. Not all of this is pretty, and I admit, I am will be untangling these beliefs for a while longer ... 


Through all of this, I reached the threshold of what I thought was all I could bear, and I would realize that there was another hairpin corner up ahead - it just looked like the top for a moment. So I had to hang tough, to be strong and to stay focused on what I wanted. I had to be stubborn and to want this new life badly enough that I would just. keep. going. The same way I do in an Ultramarathon. You haven't had enough until your faculties are dull and your mind is fuzzy, and you're forgetting to drink water, and then you realize you only have 5 kilometres to go. Then the beast comes out. And she did come out in me.


We made a trip to our Quesnel house to grab the last few things we had inadvertently left behind (and ran out of gusto, leaving a trampoline and other things - I'm sorry new owners ...). Saying goodbye was one of the hardest things. And I'm not sure when I really felt myself letting go of my Quesnel life. On some level, I envy those blessed souls who are able to remain, because I never thought I would leave. I watched others leave, and thought "No, not me, I won't leave this amazing place". I had everything I needed, but I felt a call to my name that there was a part of my journey that would need me to step up, and step out.


I haven't taken my final bow out of Quesnel, because I have friends there, and I love the running trails. I also intend to keep teaching at Edgewood Farm during the summer, as well as co-host a retreat with Veronica again. But I can tell you that I have some Major plans for our new home in Kamloops. We move into our new home Easter weekend!!!


I will be taking bookings for visitors starting April 1st ;o)


Thank you for all your love & support along the way.

The Best Year Yet.

I'm reading an awful lot about making 2016 the

Best Year Ever!!

 letting go of old crap that no longer serves you, getting healthy, getting fit, sharing love, Fully participating and being present in life.

I woke up this morning and decided that I simply want to live my life from a place of love <3 If all my actions come from this Seat of Love, I know that I have done my very best! Whatever this means to you, my friends, I honour your desire to change, to improve, to harness ... and most importantly to take the first step, because everything that follows after you take this crucial step is carried forward with a kind of momentum that you don't expect.


When you live without expectation of reward and praise, you open your heart up to the possibilities of self-healing, and you finally are able to say "I DID this. I AM amazing!" I know that I repeat this theme a lot, but for me to say this out loud in this public forum, I continually reach out to the world and continue to spread love, light and possibility to those who have agreed with me, but still seem to be waiting on the sideline.


Stop pretending that you're a wallflower, darling. We are all meant to Shine, to sparkle, to become the very best version that we can be. A version that the ghosts of our old selves will be so incredibly proud of. And when you are approaching the reward of self-love, you will want your old self to grab your hand - you will want to bring this version with you. And she won't be able to ... because at that point in time, she will slowly begin to fade away ... And the transformation will be complete.


I wish you the best year yet. I wish you love. I wish you peace. I wish you joy, and celebration, and the satisfaction that comes with a consistent practice that feeds your soul.


Happy New Year!
Namaste, Nicole

Strength & Determination: It's Not What it Looks Like

~ "People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar." ~ Thich Nhat Hahn

This past weekend, I finished the Deception Pass 50 km event. Many of you know that this was not my first rodeo, but it didn't make it any easier ... read on to hear about it!

I feel so lucky to have this strong, healthy body that can carry me through so much adversity. I realize that it's not really luck, but rather it's my tenacity, my hard work, and the hushing of the naysaying voices in my mind. I kept running that day because I consciously chose to suffer - and to be okay with that. I knew deep within myself that in order to surpass what my old self might have done, I had to do what she never would have. In this case, that was to keep going, putting one foot in front of the other, repeating my mantra in my mind and trudging on. Through the mud and the rain, under and over downed trees, pushing against the strong, relentless winds of the day. I don't pretend to be a hero to anyone ... but I can tell you I sure am a hero to that little girl who never wanted to participate in sports because she knew she'd never be the fastest. For me now, as a grown woman, I see that there is so much more in giving something your all. I feel blessed to have had these insights into my own personality, and I see now what so many others saw in me. I suddenly see the big picture.


Suffering is something that we usually endure because it comes upon us in a sudden and unexpected way. But when we choose suffering willingly, we set out on a quest to uncover an answer: What is the difference between suffering and not suffering? When we are not suffering, does it instantly bestow the gift of happiness? Or can we be living a carefree life, without a worry, and still choose to suffer? Many people, when I tell them about ultrarunning, tell me I'm crazy for choosing such a sport. They tend to crack jokes about not being able to run for even a minute, or only running if something is chasing them. But this reaction tells me so much about the self worth of the person standing in front of me. This tells me that they are terrified of discomfort, of suffering, and of failure. But when you declare that you are setting a goal, small or large, it is a huge act of bravery. The actual event has very little to do with the declaration, because the first step on a journey like this is the toughest one. Once you begin conquering your training plan, you realize that al you have to do is run one day at a time. There is no good that can come of looking 3 weeks ahead in the training plan, unless you're trying to talk yourself out of doing it.


This mindset is what helped me to finish this challenging run over the weekend. I put one foot in front of the other (over 60,000 times, according to my sweet little fitbit!). I kept going when I felt like I could not, and I insisted on finishing. Any time a negative thought went through my mind, I immediately cast it out. There is no room for doubt in these kinds of situations. It sure helped that the scenery is so stunning at Deception Pass. I could spend a lot of time there, walking the beach, contemplating life, and searching for nature's treasures along the shore. For me there is an instant feeling of meditation when I am near the ocean shore, and I love nothing more than communing with the vastness of the Universe in places like these. During this run, there were definitely moments of this vastness, and I was able to draw energy from this place in my toughest moments.


There was a moment, when I was running back across the bridge, where the wind was gusting and large, cold raindrops were pelting me. I raised my arms in a V and ran across the bridge like this, like my own hero blazing a path for enlightment. I looked down into a tree and saw our family totem: a Bald Eagle. I started to laugh and smile, and just kept going. That symbol, that gift from the Universe gave me tremendous power and energy at that time. I felt so incredibly blessed to see that.


In hindsight the run feels like a flash in the pan, and perhaps that's why I kept going, because I knew that the pain & suffering were only temporary. And it was suffering that I chose. At the end of my run, I was so grateful to be finished, but I am also so incredibly filled to the brim with gratitude for where I am at. Thank you for giving me the strength to carry on when I thought I could no longer run. Thank you for such a strong mind that controls my thoughts and feelings. Thank you for a strong body that could physically carry me through such adversity. Thank you for a spirit that can sense energies and transmute them into fuel. Thank you Thank you Thank you ~ Whoever you are.

Once Again, the Universe Responds

It's a funny relationship that we have with this bold and beautiful Universe, isn't it? She literally responds to every single thought and feeling that we portray in our lives, and we do receive everything that we give. I read something once that a woman will give gifts to people that she herself would like to receive ... Perhaps if we view the Universe as an actual being we can apply the theory to our relationship with her.



My own personal evidence of this theory happened to me in two separate instances in the last week:





1.  I was out running, after a particularly rough morning with my son, who is in the angry phase of our transition to a new town. I was running uphill for what seemed like an incredibly long time (20 minutes!) and didn't have a lot of steam to get up. I was definitely struggling, and my emotional morning wasn't helping me. At that time, I was saved by a text from a very good friend of mine (V). She sends me the most uplifting, happy and fun texts ever. I took the opportunity to walk the hills for a bit and yes, I totally texted her back. We went back and forth for a few minutes, and then I tucked the phone back into my vest and restarted my run. In fact, I restarted my day at that point, and started running with a smile even! I was feeling strong and happy, and the terrain of the trail began to change .. I started to see a lusher forest up ahead, and I smiled even more. One second later I looked down at the ground to see the prettiest little spirit quartz cluster. Of course I stopped to pick it up, and my mood instantly lifted even more. I ran for another minute or two, and came out to an open meadow of golden grass, where the wind picked up quite massively and infused me with life and with power. It was an absolutely magical moment.


It seemed like every time my mood lifted, the Universe delivered to me another moment to be grateful for.



2. Yesterday, I woke up like I always do by priming, meditating, practicing love & gratitude, and by visualizing my goals. One of my goals was to do everything in my power to spread joy and love, so that everyone who came into contact with me would feel this intention. I wanted the yoga class I would be teaching to be a joyful and relaxing experience for my students - in fact, I wanted it to be a highlight in their day. I wanted to drive the beautiful Coquihalla Highway gently and in the flow, as if I were taking care of the other people driving it. I wanted my kids to start their day feeling happy and relaxed. So I listened to music that made me feel happy and energized, and just buzzed through the day! I smiled at others without any expectations of what I might receive in return, and I genuinely tried to go through my day looking through the eyes of love.


And you know what? It worked! Yesterday was set up to be my absolute busiest, hectic, hair-straight-back day. My husband is out of town on a trip, and I was flying solo, dragging my son to Kamloops to burn off the 4 hours of gymnastics training my daughter was doing. We got home late, the animals were pining for attention, and the kids had a bit of trouble settling down ... but once the house was quiet again, I realized that I had done it. It hadn't been completely perfect, but it's not as interesting when it's "perfect".
At the end of the day, you will be rewarded for the kind of energy you put out to the world. And even if you have to fake it a little bit in order to get started, at least you'll be trying to be the best version of yourself. Happy doesn't just happen to you - You Have to Choose Happy!

Getting Super Fit! 21 Day Fix Review

"Talent is nothing without hard work" - unknown.

As I look back on my life now, I can see that I've always been a natural athlete, but through most of my life didn't have the confidence in myself to believe it. I played many sports- Soccer, Softball, Field Hockey - but I always considered myself a cheerleader more than a teammate. I thought that sports were difficult for me, and easy for everyone else. I realize now that pushing out of the comfort zone is difficult for everybody! If you want to reap the rewards, you absolutely must put in the work, and believe that you can achieve absolutely anything.

I have gone through versions of this process a few times over in my adult life, and of course they weren't always physical challenges. When I embarked on marathon training, I began to turn a corner in terms of how I was thinking about myself. I think becoming a mother and overcoming so many emotional barriers in their first few years helped me to think of myself as actually being a strong woman. I've always been quite stubborn, to the point of it being a detriment, but I had never applied my stubborn streak to anything productive - In fact, I don't think I knew that a person could do that. As I look back at any coach I ever had, I now recognize the look in their eyes as being certain that I could achieve more than I was achieving. They did believe in me - many people did - But I didn't realize that strength is something that is developed over a long period of time, and it is important to stick to practicing one thing so you can improve!

The Olympians aren't people who simply had talent - they were people who recognized their gifts, and religiously practiced their skills, set goals, visualized results and achieved them! I had the pleasure of speaking with Brittany Rogers recently (Olympic Gymnast London 2012!), and she gave a talk to a room filled with young gymnasts aged between 6 - 16. She said she woke up on the second day of Nationals after a 16th placement the day before, and she had this thought "Why not me?". That day her performances brought her up to fourth place. That is truly inspiring to me, and it should be - to ALL of us! Why not me?

I have realized too, that achieving your goals doesn't have to be super complicated. Sometimes you just need to be told what you need to do. That was why I signed up for the 21 Day Fix Program. A childhood friend was posting some very inspirational statuses on her facebook page, and one day she (bravely!) posted before & after pictures from doing the 21 Day Fix. I was stunned at the way she had transformed her body. She went from having the Mummy tummy like I have, to having sculpted abs, toned arms and an enormous smile on her face. For several years I have just been trying to come to terms with how much my body had changed from having kids and getting older. I just assumed that my tummy would look like a deflated balloon in the morning, and an inflated balloon by bedtime. But her post made me think that there was hope for me - that I too could look the way I felt inside - happy, healthy, vibrant & alive!

I recently finished my first round of the program. I have lost 3 pounds, and 3 inches off of my waist! But it truly is more than the numbers. I can't believe that it only took 21 days to change my body so much! The beauty in the program is the simplicity of it.

-Workout for 30 minutes a day - Eat whole, healthy unprocessed food - Portion Control

Doctors have been saying it for years, but I needed to be told exactly what to do. Along the way I definitely had some emotional moments - the major one being when I realized what a profound effect wheat and sugar have on my body. My tummy puffs up like a balloon! Not only that, but wheat makes me crave sugar in a very serious way. I can't just have one cookie .. I have to eat 6 or 7 of them ... and then maybe one more. I felt incredibly sad when I finally realized this, and actually had a cry on a friend's shoulder. It seems strange that I should react so strongly, but food can be a very emotional thing for people, as it is the first thing in our lives that we can control. In the first two weeks of the program I had to make a decision to stay completely away from all sugar - not because the plan doesn't allow it, but because I recognized my addiction to it. Now that I've completed the first round of the program I can allow myself to have some treats, but it's best if I carefully prepare them myself so I know what's in them. http://www.chocolatecoveredkatie.com/ is my favourite for healthy sweets.

When you order the package, you receive

- 6 little colour coded containers for portion control
- an Eating Plan guide with the outline of the best foods you can put in your body, and how much you should be eating each day
- DVD's with 8 different workouts - each of them are 30 minutes, and there is a 10 minute Abs workout
- Shakeology Protein Powder
- a free Beachbody Coach! (my childhood friend)

If you have any questions about the program, I would love to answer them, point you in the right direction .... don't hesitate to comment on this post!




Before
 

After!

Before
 





After!
 





Why Every Run is a Good Run!

Deception Pass 2014 

I have been thinking and stewing about my post "When Every Run is Sh*tty ..."and realized what a negative spin I put on something that is truly just about one's perspective. I would like to redeem myself with this post!

A close friend of mine has a saying that "Every run is a good run" ... and when I told her about my blog post  "When Every Run is Sh*tty..." she reminded me of her philosophy. This friend of mine is a running genius, and has taught me so much about the joy of running, that I am choosing to honour her with this more positive take on the subject of running.

There is always a lesson tucked away in every single day that we walk on this big, colourful planet of ours. A hidden gem in the muck and in the joys of the day. In each moment lies the choice of how you will respond, what you will say, how you will feel.

In running, these choices are much more prominent, and much more obvious. When you run, you can run away from things ... or you can run towards things ... The choice is yours. The approach is entirely up to you. Every run is a chance to challenge your beliefs about yourself, and perhaps that's how I have transformed myself completely since I started running.

Tenderfoot Boogie 2011
 

Every difficult run will make you stronger because you will have gotten through it. The trick is to give yourself the credit for making it through adversity and to celebrate the victory of giving something your best effort. It's the satisfaction of a job well done. We all deserve that feeling!

Every run is a good run because you are Out There, you run free and wild and it is Real. You are experiencing life on a different scale. It is a moving meditation, which makes it extremely challenging at times to find the silence inside. But when you do feel the vast nature of the mind ... you feel as if you are floating through the trail. You feel supported, you feel larger than your body, you feel absolutely connected.

But it is a choice.

I have slowly changed my attitude during my runs, but it has been difficult at times to shut down the self-defeating thoughts that have been popping up. Persistence & consistency are my friends. These two qualities are what have kept me running when times have been tough. It is not always the most gifted athlete who "wins" in the end - no, it is the athlete who kept showing up, for every practice, with the right fuel in her body, the right dialogue in her mind, and the stubborn resistance to quitting!

As for my actual runs, things are slowly improving ... I have run for two weeks consistently, and I'm slowly beginning to feel the power rising up again! I'm being more mindful about meals, focusing on eating lots of fruits & veggies, beans & grains ... and trying to "work in" at least one superfood each day (hemp seeds, coconut oil, Udo's oil, etc). My theory is to have a tablespoon of one superfood a day! (I can do that!) I have also started taking magnesium again, as it helped me greatly when I was taking it before. I woke up this morning before my alarm went off, refreshed and smiling! (yay!)

Why is Every Run a Good Run? Because it was my conscious choice to lace up and run across the dirt of this beautiful planet. It is my way of honouring myself, this body, these lungs. I do it for the love.

When Every Run is Sh*tty & Why I keep Running Anyway

I realized today, while I was out running in the muddy gumbo of Spring, that I seem to only write about running when I am feeling strong. I used to write about the hard times in all aspects of my life, when most things in my life felt difficult. Now it seems that I only write when I am feeling like I'm on top of the world, and am looking to talk about my progress or how I hit my goals.

Today, I give you the other side of the story ...

Today, I will tell you how hard running has been for me lately, and why I will continue to subject myself to the torture! Lately, it seems as though every run I set out on is like pulling teeth. I don't seem to look forward to my runs as much as I did when I was in the middle of training for Deception Pass. But I suppose it is to be expected, since I'm not looking towards an event, and therefore feel less accountable if I happen to have a lack of consistency in my running schedule.

I allow myself to stop at the top of the hills, because I am freaking tired, and my legs feel like someone dipped my shoes in concrete. I go at a slower pace than I would normally go, simply because I do not have the drive or the focus that would typically fuel the fire! I keep telling myself to be patient, because the reality is that during my last training schedule most of my runs were extremely challenging, and I had to work very hard to use my mind to bypass the messages my body was giving me. But for some reason, hindsight is making it seem like it was easier "then".

The truth is, I know that I just need to stay consistent, and that this is the kind of time that will make me stronger in the big picture. The trick is this: If you have lots of difficult runs, and you make it through them, then you are able to look back with the knowledge that you conquered the challenge. It takes work to face up to challenges over and over again, but it will pay off because I have learned how to push through. I don't know how long this bout of tough running will last, but I do know it won't last forever because it's not the first time it's happened!

Moments Between _ and _

There is a seeker in me that has always been there. I have great desire to go out and explore my world, both the world within my great mind, and the world around me - the one I create with every breath. I perhaps sound like a narcissist. But if being a narcissist means that I am fighting my way through my baggage, my promises (both kept and unkept), and navigating my fears and loves ... then being a narcissist is who I will proudly be. For all we truly have in this world is free will, faith and love. All other things are merely by-products. I want to soar and glide and dive-bomb my way into, around and through my short life here on Earth. I want to defy the limits and parameters that I confine myself to. Though I have found that those limits and parameters merely get forced out a little further each time they are challenged, they have not yet disappeared for me. Perhaps that is what death is for. Perhaps the purpose of the time between life and death is merely an opportunity for growth - an opportunity to finally allow the boundaries to disappear.

Live as you wish to die.

How do I wish to die? Which lessons do I want to take from this life to review when I am in my final moments? Will I feel any shame at the things I held back from in my life? Will I regret anything when I am nearer to the end? What waits for me on the other side of my current limitations?

And why on earth have I been holding back?

Early Mornings

I truly do love mornings. I love the silence and the darkness that greet me as I creep my way down the stairs, hoping the kids don't hear me and decide to wake up too. I don't usually run before 8am, but this morning the dog woke me up at 5:00am, I suppose for a pee she just couldn't stand to hold until 6 or 7:00. So I decided to just suit up and go. No breakfast beforehand, no watch, and with my glasses on, because it seemed like too much effort to put my contacts in.

There is something sort of creepy about running around the streets of suburbia, when all the lights are out in the homes lining the street. There is something very relaxing about it too, apparently, as I felt quite comfortable letting the morning gas go ... people already think I'm crazy for running, in the winter, at 5am, by myself.

The streets are sheer ice underneath a soft, slippery serving of snow. So, you have to be careful where your feet land. I didn't fall. I haven't fallen too many times at all when I have been running, but ice is one of those surfaces that freak me out. Ice and mud. The mud around here is 70% clay, so it can be snotty as .... what's that slime they used to drop on the kids' heads on Nickelodeon? It's probably like that.

The world is so utterly quiet at that time of day, and it is so easy for me to get into a zone without the distractions of traffic and people. Tetley and I spotted a little fox by the school, who must have been a young one, because he wasn't smart enough to just take off. He was very curious about us, and while he kept a safe distance, he really wanted to know who we were. The dog, of course, was getting all nutty about seeing such a stranger. I called out to him, "You foxy fox - what are you doing? Go on now." There have been quite a few foxes right in our neighborhood this year, and the best show I've seen all year was the morning when two foxes were playing in the deep snow that was blanketing peoples' yards. Those two rolled, stalked, pounced, teased and ran for a good half an hour, while me and my man watched from inside. It was absolutely beautiful.

I sincerely hope those foxes stay out of trouble ... because if someone's cat gets eaten, the foxes story may take a turn for the worse.

I love nature, and I always have. I feel so in awe, and so connected when I'm able to be outside, away from civilization and alone with my thoughts. I have always been a thinker, and have always enjoyed being alone - even as a young child it's just how I liked to be. You can't argue with that. I think my Mom probably worried about me a little bit at times, and she encouraged me to go outside and to play with the neighborhood kids. I know she didn't realize that I was never alone - I had a whole world of imaginary friends who were highly entertaining.

Yes, I was a different kid, but most of the time I never minded about that. I still don't mind about that today. I am a different kid. For me, it has been the single most liberating thing I have going for me, to not mind what people think. "It's none of your business what other people think about you" ... and "Those who matter don't mind, those who mind don't matter!"

Always stay true to yourself.

Running and Writing Challenge

I have decided to accept a challenge that showed up in my inbox yesterday - the challenge is to Run and Write every day in January. writeandrun31

Well, I got off to a great start today, going for a 2 1/2 hour snowshoe with a group! I've decided that because of our unpredictable winter this year, I will be committing to at least 20 minutes of physical exercise each day. (Currently freezing rain is coating every surface in Quesnel with a shell of shiny, pebbly-looking ice. This is the kind of weather that will make branches snap off, and trees bend over with the weight of the ice. It's treacherous and dangerous ... but it is absolutely beautiful.

As for my writing challenge, well I'm committing to writing for 5 minutes per day. That could be jotting things in my brainstorming journal, or writing on my blog. My only rule is that is must be creative writing. I must be using pretty words!
Of course, I know I will write for more than five minutes ... because it is something I love to do.

Here is to 31 days of Challenge!

2014 Deception Pass 50 km Review!

Last year, I successfully completed my first 50 km run at Deception Pass. This year, I signed up for the same run with a goal to improve my time, as I had just squeezed in under the cutoff time of 8 hours last year. (See the link to that story here). This year, I desperately wanted to complete the run in 7 hours. I knew it was going to be a long shot to take a full hour off of my time, so I had that tiny bit of doubt in my mind, as self-preservation. The last thing you want to do is to be disappointed when you finish running 50 km's!! Because, no matter how long it takes to run it, there is a huge amount of satisfaction, awe and gratification.

Training was sort of rough, as it seemed that most of my runs were not exactly pleasant, but I focused on being consistent, and gave it my all each and every run. I meditate and visualize what I want every day, and I wrote in my journal several times:

50 km = 7 hrs 00 mins

 

Every time I ran by a 50km speed limit sign, I would manipulate it in my mind to say:

 

50

km 7 hr

 

So the physical training went in, the mindset was there, but I hadn't found that place within me - that indomitable spirit that cannot be subdued. I knew there was a beast inside me that was made to conquer, but I had just never found it.

A friend and I had made an appointment at a very cool metaphysical shop in Bellingham, called Wise Awakening. We wanted to try the Inner Dimensional Sound Chamber, because we both deeply recognize the power of Sound for healing. I have to say, I have had many different types of energy work done in my life - healing treatments, ceremonies, rituals, and initiations, but this was hands-down the most powerful treatment I have ever had. My two totems kept flashing in front of me - the Eagle and the Fox, and then from somewhere deep within me, a beautiful white Horse leaped out of my heart. I began to weep, and this thought was repeated over and over, "How could something so beautiful be trapped and pent up for so long?" I knew this horse was the beast inside that I had been searching for ... and would help me to dig deep during my big run.

Race Day:  I strongly believe in Animal Spirit Guides, but I have never truly felt connected spiritually while running. This day was a gift to me, and one that I will never forget. I had 3 animal spirits guiding me during the run - Eagle, Fox and Horse. I heard clearly in my mind that each animal had specific gifts to offer to me, that I could channel and tap into when the specific need was there.

I heard these thoughts in my mind at the beginning of the day:

Eagle has great strength, wisdom and discernment and will guide you as to what you need to do throughout the day. Listen to this totem, allow him to guide your way through the day, and if you are unsure of how to proceed, simply ask him for his advice.

Fox is perceptive and clever, and knows how to take advantage of an opportunity. She is fun loving, playful and bright. She knows how to pace herself, how to keep moving forward, and when to reach out and take risks. Call on her to help you recognize opportunities, and to help you take care of yourself first this day. She will keep you moving forward.

Horse has the tenacity and strength to bound forward, with speed and grace and power. Horse does not ever tire, but it is necessary to hold back the reins until the time is right. Eagle will tell you when to let go of the reins and surge forward.

I truly stayed in the zone for the entire run, referring back to these animals and their unique gifts. When doubt would creep into my mind, one of them would pop into my mind and give me the strength to carry on, to keep moving, and I would say in my mind "50 kilometres, 7 hours". At times I repeated this over and over like a mantra, occupying my mind with this strong statement.

When I finished the 7th lollipop, I knew I had just over 5 kilometres to go, but I also knew that this was the most difficult part of the run for me last year. So I pretended that I had just begun my day, and I unleashed the beautiful white horse in my heart ...

And I ran, I did not hike, those last 5 km's.

I let go of all the things I had been holding onto, physically, mentally and emotionally. I laid myself bare on the trail, and this year I did not cry when I gave the last of my strength, but instead I felt joy! I knew I was almost done, but I couldn't bear to look at my watch, so I pulled my sleeve tightly over it's face and fixed my gaze on the trail. I actually passed people on that last leg of the journey ... and when I saw Glenn Tachiyama, I actually smiled for the photos! It was just amazing.

And when I came out onto the beach and spotted the last small hill that would lead me to the parking lot and the finish line, I RAN! I gave every last ounce of effort and ran as fast as I could to the finish line, directly into the arms of the race director. I looked at the timer ... and saw my time:

7 hours 00 minutes 53 seconds

 

Funny enough, about an hour after I finished the run I made the connection that my bib # was 7 the entire time ...