I realized yesterday when I looked at the calendar that it has been a YEAR since we moved away from Quesnel. I find myself reflecting on how it felt to pack up all the things in our home, and how I didn't have any idea what I would encounter in the next days/weeks and months to come.
And of course, had I known how crazy my life would become in the following 6 months, I might have thought about the move in a little more detail. I might not have even left the threshold of our lovely home in Q-town ...
But what fun would that have been?
I have been pushed out of my comfort zone more often than I would have liked in the last year. Driving the Coquihalla Highway through the winter 4 nights a week to get my daughter to her competitive gymnastics sessions ... living in a tiny old house in Merritt where the kids shared a cold bedroom ... in a less-than-desirable neighborhood ... where the kids went to school with underprivileged children ... and in a small town where I just couldn't find a sense of connection ...
And also where I grew into bigger shoes simply because there was no other choice. Because I was "forced" to.
It would have been so easy to stay comfortable in Quesnel, dreaming of a life that I likely would not have been able to attain without pushing through the discomfort. I simply must say here that I don't regret a thing. Even though some of the memories of the last year of my life are "unpleasant", I continue to remind myself that this was all By Choice. So many people go through life having things happen TO them, rather than Making Things Happen. And I don't think either way is better or worse. I simply believe now that I would rather engineer my life so that I can manifest exactly what I want!
Through all this difficulty, my husband and I manifested many things ...
* We are now living in a beautiful home that has a running trail right in the backyard
* I am now working almost full time as a yoga teacher
* We are finally taking the kids to Disneyland!
* I will be presenting a workshop at the Interior Wellness Conference
* We live in the Okanagan!
There are so many other little things that have happened, and there are too many to list here.
The point of my story is this:
Sometimes life gets hard, and things begin to happen to you that you feel (in the moment) that you cannot bear. But yet, from somewhere deep within you there is this wellspring of strength that you are able to draw from. A vast and unlimited supply of energy that nourishes you *just enough* so that you can take one more step, so that you can take in the next breath of air, so that you can live out another day in an upright position.
When you purposefully push through the limitations you have placed on yourself, you say to the Universe - YES! YES! I can handle MORE peace, more love , more joy, more excitement and more satisfaction!
Sometimes in life we want someone to tell us what to do in order to get to that place - but I tell you this here - YOU are the one in control, and truly are the only one who can answer these questions. Deep within your own self, you know exactly what you need to to in order to feel happy and alive ... and satisfied.
Life is never really going to feel easy. And it's not supposed to. The point of all of it is to immerse yourself in experiences. Don't take second-hand knowledge and make decisions about how you're going to "be" in this world -
Live your own life, and gather up your experiences ...
Make mistakes and learn your lessons ...
Be hard on yourself, and then forgive yourself ...
If you feel stagnant, unsatisfied or unhappy in any way - make some decisions about how you really want to feel in each day. Life is too short to constantly wait for something to happen.
I send you Peace, Love and Joy ~ Namaste, Nicole
There is a seeker in me that has always been there. I have great desire to go out and explore my world, both the world within my great mind, and the world around me - the one I create with every breath. I perhaps sound like a narcissist. But if being a narcissist means that I am fighting my way through my baggage, my promises (both kept and unkept), and navigating my fears and loves ... then being a narcissist is who I will proudly be. For all we truly have in this world is free will, faith and love. All other things are merely by-products. I want to soar and glide and dive-bomb my way into, around and through my short life here on Earth. I want to defy the limits and parameters that I confine myself to. Though I have found that those limits and parameters merely get forced out a little further each time they are challenged, they have not yet disappeared for me. Perhaps that is what death is for. Perhaps the purpose of the time between life and death is merely an opportunity for growth - an opportunity to finally allow the boundaries to disappear.
Live as you wish to die.
How do I wish to die? Which lessons do I want to take from this life to review when I am in my final moments? Will I feel any shame at the things I held back from in my life? Will I regret anything when I am nearer to the end? What waits for me on the other side of my current limitations?
And why on earth have I been holding back?
I have been playing with an idea lately, sort of testing the Universe, if you will. My game has been this: I do things without any mindfulness of soul, and strangely they do not work out. As soon as I bring myself in line with the energy of the Universe, by embracing the things that are truly in my own heart, the world seems to be my oyster.
It seems that when I am in that place of wanting to provide connection, love, trust and security, it only works under specific conditions. I have to clear away all signs of hesitation, reluctance, and overthinking of any kind. I have to know that what I am trying to provide is pure. It seems that when I try too hard to please others, I get a million obstacles thrown in my path, and the moment that I decide to take the reins and dive into the uncertainty, is the moment that my intentions are realized to their fullest potential.
So it might be that the Universe is trying to tell me something.
Sometimes I feel that I might burst open with all of the ideas that circulate in my heart and mind ... Honestly, it's like all the seeds that I have planted (in the form of ideas), are all trying to push to the surface all at once. When I get this feeling, I know with certainty that it is time to create something new. Most often, this comes to fruition in the form of a yoga class or workshop offering. When I begin to put down on paper the (many) ideas that are flowing, there are almost always moments where I hesitate. "Will they understand this?" "Maybe this is too far out there, too Flaky" "What if this makes people uncomfortable?" "What if they walk out because I've offended them?"
... the dialogue goes on and on. It does not help the creative process.
But you know what? I'm beginning to realize that if I make an offering, the people who are meant to be there will be there. They will show up because something inside of them felt a calling, a draw, a pull, to experience the garden that was created through these hands.
There is nothing I would like more than to be everything to everyone, in all ways, but that is not reality. I know that the things that come through me are not for everyone, because quite honestly, I have some powerful things to share. What I am offering is an opportunity for transformation. What I offer is not always going to be easy - for me or my participants - but I can tell you that what I offer, if truly embraced, can bring about enormous change. The consistency of your practice after that is on you, because the people who win the races aren't always the ones with natural ability - sometimes they are the ones who showed up to practice Every Single Day. That consistency can bring you the most beautiful things.
And for me, I am learning the great power of allowing the Universe to move through me, and trusting that whatever I am asked to do is for the greater good. I will try to honour this truth with every endeavor I undertake.
Namaste - Nicole
The most interesting things happen when you let go. There is a sense of fulfillment I receive from the Universe when I finally surrender to the lessons I should be learning. I seem to understand once again what I am being asked to do. Not long ago, I felt lonely in my circumstance, and found myself dwelling on that feeling for a little while. As soon as I embraced being alone, I had three of the closest people in my life contact me within the span of an hour.
I go back to The Secret often. The Law of Attraction. Like attracts Like. This was the beginning of stability in my spiritual beliefs. I learned how to attract the kind of life I wanted. I began to think positive thoughts every day. I practiced gratitude for the many blessings in my life. As soon as I began to focus on the positivity in my life, I began to attract more and more of the same. As soon as I genuinely began to take control of my own happiness, the Universe began taking care of me. The Secret helped me attract the opportunity to go to Mexico for yoga teacher training.
It seems like as I applied a foundation of habits, I began to layer more in depth habits, rituals and routines overtop. Like building a house. You can only go from where you are, with what you have, in the moment. Everybody falters, stumbles and even falls down during the process of life. But these stumbling blocks are great opportunities to remind one of what works, and what doesn't.
Of course, the second part of the formula is lifting your chin to look outside of yourself to actually see the opportunities. It is so important to have a strong sense of self-worth, and that you deserve all the great things in life that are being offered to you. Because what is an opportunity if it is wasted?
There is no greater gift that you can give yourself than the gift of routine. Spirituality can be a routine. In fact, it must be a part of your routine. It is not really enough to say you want to be somewhere - you have to actually go there. Buy the ticket, put in the time, and travel to that place of silence.
I am glad that I did.
