I had an interesting conversation with some girlfriends last night about what life was like for us ten years ago. I, personally, was a proud homeowner with my man and was in the midst of planning our wedding. I had fierce baby fever. I actually worked in an office - full time. I still lived in my hometown.
I thought I had the best life in the world. Nearly every day, on my lunch break I walked home to eat and to gently stroll through my yard, looking at my gorgeous, unorganized garden. That garden made me feel like I was creating something. Little did I know how much more I could create in my life ...
It is quite fascinating to look back upon my life, my personality and my perceptions. Ten years ago I had no boundaries around anything. If someone slipped into a lineup ahead of me, I said nothing. If I received the wrong drink at a restaurant, I said nothing. I was a pushover, meek, timid and afraid of certain peoples' judgements about me. Amongst family and friends I was myself, of course.
There was so much I wanted to learn about energy, Wicca and my own self. I liked to delve into past life stuff, and I thrived on the stimulating effects of energy and of magic. I had been practicing Reiki and yoga for a few years, and though it was mainly for my own health, it was also part of "Who I Was". I wanted people to know these things about me, because I thought that was what made me special, unique and different. I so desperately wanted to be special.
As time has passed, I have been handed many challenges in my life. When we had to move from my hometown, to a new town, all I had left of that former self was my papered accomplishments. But I was happy and content being a mother and wife, and at first it really was enough. Of course, when times got tough, when I began to realize that no one knew "Who I Was" things became difficult. Everything about me seemed to dissolve when the outside world no longer supported the mirage I was trying to create. It wasn't just the fact that I didn't have the time, it was also the fact that I didn't have anyone around to affirm my image. No one in the new town had any ideas or expectations of me. It shattered my self-perception. And it was just what I needed, at the time.
Earlier this week, I had a thought come to me - The Universe is the greatest healer. Call it fate, destiny or circumstance, the Universe places you in the situations you are meant to experience. There is such a beautiful art to the way that a person can be "set up" to uncover the lessons in life. When we are going through a difficult time, or an unproductive time, or a frustrating time, it usually lasts until we don't think we can take it anymore. We reach the bottom of the well, and the only place to look is up ~ towards the light. And this happened over and over and over. This cycle, who knows, maybe it lasts the rest of our lives? Or does it get easier?
I sit here wondering what life will be like for me ten years from now.
My oldest will be ready to leave the nest, my youngest will not be far behind. A brand new chapter will open up for me to explore, and new challenges will arise. I wouldn't even know what to wish for at this point ... All I know is that I am looking forward to finding out. I am looking forward to getting old, watching the cycles of life rise and fall, and simply see what I turn out to be like in my next decade!