I truly do love mornings. I love the silence and the darkness that greet me as I creep my way down the stairs, hoping the kids don't hear me and decide to wake up too. I don't usually run before 8am, but this morning the dog woke me up at 5:00am, I suppose for a pee she just couldn't stand to hold until 6 or 7:00. So I decided to just suit up and go. No breakfast beforehand, no watch, and with my glasses on, because it seemed like too much effort to put my contacts in.
There is something sort of creepy about running around the streets of suburbia, when all the lights are out in the homes lining the street. There is something very relaxing about it too, apparently, as I felt quite comfortable letting the morning gas go ... people already think I'm crazy for running, in the winter, at 5am, by myself.
The streets are sheer ice underneath a soft, slippery serving of snow. So, you have to be careful where your feet land. I didn't fall. I haven't fallen too many times at all when I have been running, but ice is one of those surfaces that freak me out. Ice and mud. The mud around here is 70% clay, so it can be snotty as .... what's that slime they used to drop on the kids' heads on Nickelodeon? It's probably like that.
The world is so utterly quiet at that time of day, and it is so easy for me to get into a zone without the distractions of traffic and people. Tetley and I spotted a little fox by the school, who must have been a young one, because he wasn't smart enough to just take off. He was very curious about us, and while he kept a safe distance, he really wanted to know who we were. The dog, of course, was getting all nutty about seeing such a stranger. I called out to him, "You foxy fox - what are you doing? Go on now." There have been quite a few foxes right in our neighborhood this year, and the best show I've seen all year was the morning when two foxes were playing in the deep snow that was blanketing peoples' yards. Those two rolled, stalked, pounced, teased and ran for a good half an hour, while me and my man watched from inside. It was absolutely beautiful.
I sincerely hope those foxes stay out of trouble ... because if someone's cat gets eaten, the foxes story may take a turn for the worse.
I love nature, and I always have. I feel so in awe, and so connected when I'm able to be outside, away from civilization and alone with my thoughts. I have always been a thinker, and have always enjoyed being alone - even as a young child it's just how I liked to be. You can't argue with that. I think my Mom probably worried about me a little bit at times, and she encouraged me to go outside and to play with the neighborhood kids. I know she didn't realize that I was never alone - I had a whole world of imaginary friends who were highly entertaining.
Yes, I was a different kid, but most of the time I never minded about that. I still don't mind about that today. I am a different kid. For me, it has been the single most liberating thing I have going for me, to not mind what people think. "It's none of your business what other people think about you" ... and "Those who matter don't mind, those who mind don't matter!"
Always stay true to yourself.
Showing posts with label fox. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fox. Show all posts
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Emotions and Memories
It always comes back to how you feel inside of your own body, mind and spirit. There is something so unforgettable about the kinds of memories that involved all three of these aspects of ourselves. When each part of these ethereal bodies are passing the time by communicating strongly with each other, you know that you have found a sweet spot in your life.
I have many memories that tie in all three of these aspects, but I would like to share the most profound with you today - the life-changers:
1 ~ When I received my Reiki training in the late 1990's. I was recovering from ... my teen years that were steeped in avoidance and denial ... from the transition: highschool to a full time job ... late nights every night ... becoming a woman ...
Sometimes the Universe sets up a perfect storm for us so that when we are lying flat on our backs in the dark, and we finally open our eyes we are looking UP towards the light.
When I received my Reiki training, I was instantly cradled by strangers - mostly women, and a handful of deeply nurturing men. I wept and I cried and I released all the pressure that was built up inside, all the wretched angst of teenhood, all the ways in which I thought I wasn't good enough. I left it on the table, and my angels mopped it up.
2 ~ After I had my second child, I suffered from some pretty nasty anxiety. I had found a friend, a fellow mom, to collaborate with in our healing journeys. We practiced tons of energy work together, held circles to release our struggles, ate delicious food and celebrated evenings while the children slept. There were many beautiful experiences, visions and emotional releases that we shared. It was a special and transformative time, albeit a difficult time.
3 ~ When I travelled to Mexico for my yoga teacher training. I was 33 (double digit years are always amazing). The kids were still quite little, and I couldn't believe that the Universe had opened up this opportunity for me to travel to Mexico to become a yoga teacher ~ It was absolutely amazing. I learned a technique there on how to allow myself to truly acknowledge the emotions that I was feeling. It was the final piece of the puzzle that allowed me to finally let go of the crippling anxiety I had been feeling.
I cried a million tears in those 16 days. I truly felt myself being cleansed by those tears. All the people who were there with me - we all cried together, we supported one another and I will feel forever forged to the memories I have from that time.
Sometimes I find it difficult to remember exactly what it was like before I did this emotional work for myself. But I suppose it is better to be forgetful - this way you are not giving the emotional junk a "story", because the Ego thrives off of stories ... When you ask "why am I feeling this way", rather than allowing yourself to feel it completely, you create a resistance, a stumbling block on your way, a place to pause and conjure up a story about why you are this way. From there the Ego becomes free to create a way in which to stagnate your growth even more by delaying you from actually feeling uncomfortable.
When you simply allow yourself to feel what you're feeling, you open up to the opportunity to release the feeling. It is certainly not the easiest path, because it can feel messy and out of control. It can feel like you're not being strong, that you don't have time to be down and out for even an hour, let alone a week or longer.
Sometimes you aren't given a choice as to whether or not you feel ready to let the emotions go ... sometimes it is just your time, and there is not a thing you can do to stop the tears from falling.
Let yourself feel it. It is so much easier.
Peace and love to you from me ~ Nicole
I have many memories that tie in all three of these aspects, but I would like to share the most profound with you today - the life-changers:
1 ~ When I received my Reiki training in the late 1990's. I was recovering from ... my teen years that were steeped in avoidance and denial ... from the transition: highschool to a full time job ... late nights every night ... becoming a woman ...
Sometimes the Universe sets up a perfect storm for us so that when we are lying flat on our backs in the dark, and we finally open our eyes we are looking UP towards the light.
When I received my Reiki training, I was instantly cradled by strangers - mostly women, and a handful of deeply nurturing men. I wept and I cried and I released all the pressure that was built up inside, all the wretched angst of teenhood, all the ways in which I thought I wasn't good enough. I left it on the table, and my angels mopped it up.
2 ~ After I had my second child, I suffered from some pretty nasty anxiety. I had found a friend, a fellow mom, to collaborate with in our healing journeys. We practiced tons of energy work together, held circles to release our struggles, ate delicious food and celebrated evenings while the children slept. There were many beautiful experiences, visions and emotional releases that we shared. It was a special and transformative time, albeit a difficult time.
3 ~ When I travelled to Mexico for my yoga teacher training. I was 33 (double digit years are always amazing). The kids were still quite little, and I couldn't believe that the Universe had opened up this opportunity for me to travel to Mexico to become a yoga teacher ~ It was absolutely amazing. I learned a technique there on how to allow myself to truly acknowledge the emotions that I was feeling. It was the final piece of the puzzle that allowed me to finally let go of the crippling anxiety I had been feeling.
I cried a million tears in those 16 days. I truly felt myself being cleansed by those tears. All the people who were there with me - we all cried together, we supported one another and I will feel forever forged to the memories I have from that time.
Sometimes I find it difficult to remember exactly what it was like before I did this emotional work for myself. But I suppose it is better to be forgetful - this way you are not giving the emotional junk a "story", because the Ego thrives off of stories ... When you ask "why am I feeling this way", rather than allowing yourself to feel it completely, you create a resistance, a stumbling block on your way, a place to pause and conjure up a story about why you are this way. From there the Ego becomes free to create a way in which to stagnate your growth even more by delaying you from actually feeling uncomfortable.
When you simply allow yourself to feel what you're feeling, you open up to the opportunity to release the feeling. It is certainly not the easiest path, because it can feel messy and out of control. It can feel like you're not being strong, that you don't have time to be down and out for even an hour, let alone a week or longer.
Sometimes you aren't given a choice as to whether or not you feel ready to let the emotions go ... sometimes it is just your time, and there is not a thing you can do to stop the tears from falling.
Let yourself feel it. It is so much easier.
Peace and love to you from me ~ Nicole
Monday, December 29, 2014
2014 Deception Pass 50 km Review!
Last year, I successfully completed my first 50 km run at Deception Pass. This year, I signed up for the same run with a goal to improve my time, as I had just squeezed in under the cutoff time of 8 hours last year. (See the link to that story here). This year, I desperately wanted to complete the run in 7 hours. I knew it was going to be a long shot to take a full hour off of my time, so I had that tiny bit of doubt in my mind, as self-preservation. The last thing you want to do is to be disappointed when you finish running 50 km's!! Because, no matter how long it takes to run it, there is a huge amount of satisfaction, awe and gratification.
Training was sort of rough, as it seemed that most of my runs were not exactly pleasant, but I focused on being consistent, and gave it my all each and every run. I meditate and visualize what I want every day, and I wrote in my journal several times:
So the physical training went in, the mindset was there, but I hadn't found that place within me - that indomitable spirit that cannot be subdued. I knew there was a beast inside me that was made to conquer, but I had just never found it.
A friend and I had made an appointment at a very cool metaphysical shop in Bellingham, called Wise Awakening. We wanted to try the Inner Dimensional Sound Chamber, because we both deeply recognize the power of Sound for healing. I have to say, I have had many different types of energy work done in my life - healing treatments, ceremonies, rituals, and initiations, but this was hands-down the most powerful treatment I have ever had. My two totems kept flashing in front of me - the Eagle and the Fox, and then from somewhere deep within me, a beautiful white Horse leaped out of my heart. I began to weep, and this thought was repeated over and over, "How could something so beautiful be trapped and pent up for so long?" I knew this horse was the beast inside that I had been searching for ... and would help me to dig deep during my big run.
Race Day: I strongly believe in Animal Spirit Guides, but I have never truly felt connected spiritually while running. This day was a gift to me, and one that I will never forget. I had 3 animal spirits guiding me during the run - Eagle, Fox and Horse. I heard clearly in my mind that each animal had specific gifts to offer to me, that I could channel and tap into when the specific need was there.
I heard these thoughts in my mind at the beginning of the day:
Eagle has great strength, wisdom and discernment and will guide you as to what you need to do throughout the day. Listen to this totem, allow him to guide your way through the day, and if you are unsure of how to proceed, simply ask him for his advice.
Fox is perceptive and clever, and knows how to take advantage of an opportunity. She is fun loving, playful and bright. She knows how to pace herself, how to keep moving forward, and when to reach out and take risks. Call on her to help you recognize opportunities, and to help you take care of yourself first this day. She will keep you moving forward.
Horse has the tenacity and strength to bound forward, with speed and grace and power. Horse does not ever tire, but it is necessary to hold back the reins until the time is right. Eagle will tell you when to let go of the reins and surge forward.
I truly stayed in the zone for the entire run, referring back to these animals and their unique gifts. When doubt would creep into my mind, one of them would pop into my mind and give me the strength to carry on, to keep moving, and I would say in my mind "50 kilometres, 7 hours". At times I repeated this over and over like a mantra, occupying my mind with this strong statement.
When I finished the 7th lollipop, I knew I had just over 5 kilometres to go, but I also knew that this was the most difficult part of the run for me last year. So I pretended that I had just begun my day, and I unleashed the beautiful white horse in my heart ...
I let go of all the things I had been holding onto, physically, mentally and emotionally. I laid myself bare on the trail, and this year I did not cry when I gave the last of my strength, but instead I felt joy! I knew I was almost done, but I couldn't bear to look at my watch, so I pulled my sleeve tightly over it's face and fixed my gaze on the trail. I actually passed people on that last leg of the journey ... and when I saw Glenn Tachiyama, I actually smiled for the photos! It was just amazing.
And when I came out onto the beach and spotted the last small hill that would lead me to the parking lot and the finish line, I RAN! I gave every last ounce of effort and ran as fast as I could to the finish line, directly into the arms of the race director. I looked at the timer ... and saw my time:
Training was sort of rough, as it seemed that most of my runs were not exactly pleasant, but I focused on being consistent, and gave it my all each and every run. I meditate and visualize what I want every day, and I wrote in my journal several times:
50 km = 7 hrs 00 mins
Every time I ran by a 50km speed limit sign, I would manipulate it in my mind to say:
50
km 7 hr
A friend and I had made an appointment at a very cool metaphysical shop in Bellingham, called Wise Awakening. We wanted to try the Inner Dimensional Sound Chamber, because we both deeply recognize the power of Sound for healing. I have to say, I have had many different types of energy work done in my life - healing treatments, ceremonies, rituals, and initiations, but this was hands-down the most powerful treatment I have ever had. My two totems kept flashing in front of me - the Eagle and the Fox, and then from somewhere deep within me, a beautiful white Horse leaped out of my heart. I began to weep, and this thought was repeated over and over, "How could something so beautiful be trapped and pent up for so long?" I knew this horse was the beast inside that I had been searching for ... and would help me to dig deep during my big run.
Race Day: I strongly believe in Animal Spirit Guides, but I have never truly felt connected spiritually while running. This day was a gift to me, and one that I will never forget. I had 3 animal spirits guiding me during the run - Eagle, Fox and Horse. I heard clearly in my mind that each animal had specific gifts to offer to me, that I could channel and tap into when the specific need was there.
I heard these thoughts in my mind at the beginning of the day:
Eagle has great strength, wisdom and discernment and will guide you as to what you need to do throughout the day. Listen to this totem, allow him to guide your way through the day, and if you are unsure of how to proceed, simply ask him for his advice.
Fox is perceptive and clever, and knows how to take advantage of an opportunity. She is fun loving, playful and bright. She knows how to pace herself, how to keep moving forward, and when to reach out and take risks. Call on her to help you recognize opportunities, and to help you take care of yourself first this day. She will keep you moving forward.
Horse has the tenacity and strength to bound forward, with speed and grace and power. Horse does not ever tire, but it is necessary to hold back the reins until the time is right. Eagle will tell you when to let go of the reins and surge forward.
I truly stayed in the zone for the entire run, referring back to these animals and their unique gifts. When doubt would creep into my mind, one of them would pop into my mind and give me the strength to carry on, to keep moving, and I would say in my mind "50 kilometres, 7 hours". At times I repeated this over and over like a mantra, occupying my mind with this strong statement.
When I finished the 7th lollipop, I knew I had just over 5 kilometres to go, but I also knew that this was the most difficult part of the run for me last year. So I pretended that I had just begun my day, and I unleashed the beautiful white horse in my heart ...
And I ran, I did not hike, those last 5 km's.
I let go of all the things I had been holding onto, physically, mentally and emotionally. I laid myself bare on the trail, and this year I did not cry when I gave the last of my strength, but instead I felt joy! I knew I was almost done, but I couldn't bear to look at my watch, so I pulled my sleeve tightly over it's face and fixed my gaze on the trail. I actually passed people on that last leg of the journey ... and when I saw Glenn Tachiyama, I actually smiled for the photos! It was just amazing.
And when I came out onto the beach and spotted the last small hill that would lead me to the parking lot and the finish line, I RAN! I gave every last ounce of effort and ran as fast as I could to the finish line, directly into the arms of the race director. I looked at the timer ... and saw my time:
7 hours 00 minutes 53 seconds
Funny enough, about an hour after I finished the run I made the connection that my bib # was 7 the entire time ...
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