Hope and Faith

There have been times, during these last few months, when I felt like all I had to my name was my faith. I have practiced gratitude, sent out love, and visualized the things I want each and every day for the last 5 months. I did not falter on this practice, even when I was incredibly stressed out, exhausted and feeling flat. I continued, even though we have been sleeping on a mattress on the floor, even though our kids have been sharing a room, even though the cat is dying one day, and defying me the next.


I kept on going.


There is a light at the end of the tunnel ... it means I still have a little ways to go for my visualizations to become real, but it means that Hope has joined with Faith. {It's a little too soon to tell, but there is a very real possibility that our situation will be adjusted sometime in the beginning of the new year ... }


You have to keep wishing for what you want, and planning on what you'll do once it finally arrives. Sometimes things don't happen as quickly as you would like them to, but it's because the Universe always has a massive action plan that serves the highest good of all involved. Sometimes, like my accident scene story, there are many people involved. Like the woman I met from Merritt who I will be helping to facilitate "Heart Circles", the miniature show horse I gave Reiki to, the woman who got into the accident, the one hundred or so people who were delayed in getting to Kamloops. For each person who was "inconvenienced" by this accident, there was a specific reason that it happened to them. Some needed to learn patience, some were held back in order to be placed in another person's path, some needed to see what it felt like to hit black ice and not be able to stop ... and on and on the lessons go.


My point is that even with this light at the end of the tunnel, I feel completely exhausted. This period of time in my life has been one of the most challenging, and as I write that, I can strangely see that it's not even close to some of the other challenges I have faced. The only difference is the way the stress has physically manifested itself in my body. But this too, shall soon pass, and there will be a new challenge awaiting me on the horizon.


All I truly want is to make some big memories with my family, like going to Disneyland, taking them on a trip to Europe, and dipping our toes in some oceans. For myself, I want to experience the joy of delivering Yoga classes to people in the most connected and genuine way that I can. I also yearn to get my 1000 hours of teaching experience so that I can help to train other yoga teachers! I will help people who are dying with the beautiful lessons I learned from my Mom. I will nurture my marriage and always honour my husband's personal destiny by giving him the freedom to express himself. We learned a few years ago that the gift of freedom is the gift of joy.


Sometimes life can be a struggle, and you feel like you are trying to swim against the flow, and honestly this is what growth feels like. It is uncomfortable to be reborn! But in order to grow, this is what we must endure if we ever want to finally use those bigger shoes we have been saving. Thich Nhat Hahn wrote that when we live in the past, we live with the ghosts of our former selves, as we are dying every moment. We are not the same as we were from the beginning of this blog post to now. Growing takes time, and it takes longer when we have to drag around baggage from the past, and so it is best to let it go a little at a time.


How I managed to get to the place I am in now is simply a matter of hard work, dedication, practice, faith, love and lots of gratitude. Pushing out of my comfort zone was rooted in all of these practices for me, and I always had those certainties to draw from. I have more travelling to do, in so many ways, but if I continue to trust and accept the process of growing, there is absolutely no limit to what I can do.


And if I can do it my friends, You Can Too.


Namaste,
Nicole