Friday, October 9, 2015

After the Plunge

There is a funny thing that happens when you make big changes in your life. You do all the heavy lifting, the soul searching, the second-guessing, and finally make a decision to punch through all of it. You decide to take the plunge into something completely new, unexpected and different than anything you have done before.

What happens on the other side? Once the dust begins to settle and you are in a brand new place, it becomes time to rebuild your life. But there truly is a stagnancy when you realize you're sitting on a dusty piece of land that has yet to be prepared for the laying of a foundation. This is where habits come into play - and habits take time to develop. And it takes time for other peoples' habits to align with yours. And the process cannot ever be rushed.

These are the things I am telling myself as I try to settle into life in a new town, with a new job, and more of the same for my beautiful family. They look to me to be the Rock, the one they can hold onto during a stormy time, and they want me to have the answers. The truth is that I don't have the answers. The truth is that I am floundering too, and I would be lying if I said I haven't had moment of serious doubt about whether this was the right decision. My husband says I haven't been myself. I told him that it's going to take time for all of us to adjust to these big changes.

I will not lie, I miss the feeling of familiarity as I walk on the streets. I miss seeing people that I know in random places like the grocery store, dropping my girl off at gymnastics, running on a trail ... I feel a sense of isolation, of anonymity, and of transparency. I am used to being recognized!

But these feelings reflect the newness of the situation, and I'm not giving up, I am merely taking stock of what I am feeling in these beginning stages, so that I have something to reflect upon later.

I understand that now is the time to figure out what I would like my life to be like - there is opportunity here for a reinvention. And that is what I was looking for, after all.

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